"Hey Kenny," I try to keep the surprise out of my voice. Ken almost never calls me, only communicating via text and social media.
"Hey hun, how are you holding up?"
About two months ago my husband of four years, David, walked out on me and my two kids. He never said much, just said he was done with this and left us, just like that. For about a week I walked around in a haze, completely blindsided, and didn't know what to do with myself for about a month. David wasted no time in serving divorce papers and promptly moving in with another woman. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt to watch him move in with a younger woman. Not that I'm old, just thirty-two, but she's a young twenty-three. Ever since I've slogged through life, focusing on my kids and feeling both worthless and unloveable.
"I'm hangin' in there. Each day gets a little bit easier than the last."
"He never deserved you, Joanne." He starts in again.
"Ken, please, not now." I can't hear that from another person, well meaning or not.
"Sorry, hun, just trying to help." Ken tries to back tracks a bit.
"I know, it's just...oh hell, I don't know."
"Look, I called because I wanted to know if you were free on Saturday night?" His voice goes tentative, it's just not like him.
"I could be, what's going on?" I don't know if I'm up for our usual, me accompanying him to the gay clubs so I can kinda dance and be his designated driver while he gets plastered and hooks up some dude without his husband's knowledge. He claims they have a: don't ask don't tell arrangement and I don't question it.
"Amandine is in town and we're having a makeshift high school reunion for those of us still in the area. Come with me."
"Who the fuck is Amandine?" I have no idea who he's talking about. "And anyway, I never really liked anyone from high school."
I didn't and most of them didn't like me. Ken is about the only person from high school that I kept up with. I'm not really feeling this but I am intrigued as to who this Amandine is so I'm not ready to flat out say no just yet.
"Oh," his voice falls. "I thought you knew."
"About?" I swear he ups the drama at every opportunity.
"Aaron. They transitioned about two years ago and now she goes by Amandine."
"Aaron? Aaron McCormick, my Aaron?" My jaw goes slack in shock.
"One and the same, you should come meet her. I told her some people would show up that are not on her social media but didn't say you. It'd be a good surprise."
"She's trans, hun. Lives her life as a woman, and a good looking one too. Hell, you may even get laid as she no longer dates men per a recent post." Across the line I can see him cocking his eyebrow and giving his shit eating grin.
"You know I'm not gay, Ken. I don't know what to make of all of this. I'll let you know if I want to go or not."
I hang up and fall back into a chair. Aaron, my first long term boyfriend in high school, the first man I said I love you to, is now a woman. Or was always a woman and was hiding a secret the whole time we dated. My head is swimming and yet I don't know why. I mean, we haven't spoken in a good five or six years now. There was a brief period, after my first marriage blew up in my face and I had to take my kids and move back home to Florida to live with my Mom, where we went of a few dates but we haven't spoken since. There was something different about him that time that I couldn't put into words or ever really describe. Now it hits me, we were more like girlfriends than potential lovers. We chatted and texted a lot, took my kids to the local science museum but when we kissed it felt so different, so off, that I walked away. He kissed more like a woman and I was looking for a man and now it starts to make sense. He was never really a he but a she. Just when I start to feel like I'm going to be overwhelmed by all of this my youngest calls out for me and for once I'm glad she does.
Climbing into bed after putting my kids down my mind starts to drift. It soon winds it's way back to Aaron, I mean Amandine, and the last time we kissed. First I see him, hair already starting to grow out a bit in a shaggy mop, standing in my driveway after dropping me off. He had gained weight since we dated in high school but his personality was such that I didn't mind. Nor did I mind that we were basically the same height, normally I've only dated guys who were taller than me. Standing there, my blonde hair in pigtails in the back and the front section covering my left eye, waiting for him to kiss me I see him change in my mind. The hair fills out, flowing down past her shoulders in dark auburn waves, her face softens and her brown eyes somehow get warmer. Her chest grows out into a firm C cup and her weight shifts downward to her thighs and backside. The slightly ill fitting shorts and tee shirt she was wearing become a yellow sundress exposing her slightly tan legs and revealing her bust. A flush of heat blooms out from my core and I can feel my nipples tingle in a way I haven't felt in a long, long time. I surprise myself by slipping both hands under the covers.
My right hand cups my breast and gives is a slight squeeze and then the fingers start to trace their way around my nipple, over my night shirt, and I can feel it go hard. Slipping the hand under the shirt I find the nipple and give it a pinch. A soft little moan escapes my throat. In my mind we kiss just like we did that day but this time it feels right. Her right hand, soft now, reaches out and lightly touches my cheek. In my fantasy I can feel my knees go a bit weak. Leaning in her lips touch mine. They're so soft now, a pillowy goodness that tastes of cherry. In bed my hand continues to play with my nipple. I lightly trace my fingertip across my chest and starts working on the other nipple. Between my legs I can sense a wetness and the smell of my arousal, it's just begging for some attention. Amandine's tongue greedily pushes it's way into my mouth, I put up a token resistance before letting it in and raking my own across it before it goes into her mouth. Under the covers my pussy is screaming for my fingers, my clit already starting to throb. Sliding the wet panties to the side I slip a finger inside, as wet as I am there's no resistance. It slides in as my folds envelop it. Pushing it in and out I can feel as my breathing becomes shorter and slightly labored.
"Oh fuck," I moan.
Adding in a second finger I take my other hand and start playing with a breast. Amandine's other hand reaches down and grabs my waist, pulling me in close to her body, her breasts brushing up against mine in her sun dress. If we weren't outside in front of my mother's house I'd have my hands all over those perky breasts. My middle and ring fingers dive into my hot core harder and deeper with each movement of my wrist and each time another moan escapes my throat. As I continue to build myself up to orgasm my hips start baring down and rocking, helping my hand out. Right as Amandine's hand is gripping my backside and pulling me in, somehow finding a way to kiss me harder, I crest. My back arches and then I come, my body shaking and shuddering as I experience something I haven't felt in a long time, an orgasm. Hips rocking I can feel my vagina clenching my fingers as I come.
"Oh fuck!" I shoot up from my half sleep orgasm.
My chest is heaving, I'm sweating slightly and I cannot believe what I just did. I just fantasized about making out with my ex-boyfriend but picturing him as a woman. What the fuck is going on with me? Dropping back onto my pillow and I let out a loud breath. Soon my breathing is slowing back to normal and I feel like I'm getting my footing in reality again. This means nothing, it's just a fantasy and only because I've been horny as hell and haven't taken care of myself in some time. Mindlessly I reach out and grab my phone and shoot Kenny a text: I'm in.
***** SATURDAY NIGHT *****
Mom took the kids early and I've had the afternoon to myself, my first since David left us. I'm staring at my closet and still cannot get over how empty it looks without David's stuff in it. He had a ton of suits, dress shirts and dress shoes, more shoes than I have, that filled up more than his half of the closet. At first I tried to spread out my clothes to the entire closet but it just made it look even more empty and I ended up putting them back onto my side.
"Now, what am I going to wear?" I mutter to myself.
I've never been a dress or skirt kinda girl instead being a jeans and tee shirt one. Some people have described my look as trashy, but in a good way, and I've come to agree with them. In the end I decide to go with cut off jean shorts, just the right amount of short, to go with a white tank top and black bra. I'll pair this with my favorite cowgirl boots. I figure I'll look good but not over the top dressy or sexy since I am technically meeting with a bunch of people that in high school that I detested. We were all band geeks, them more so than me, and I always kinda looked down on them for taking it so seriously. Aaron, I mean Amandine, was another one who didn't take it like they did. He and his buddies always choose to goof off and that is what originally drew me to him. The first time I realized there was something possible between us was an afternoon touch football game. In the time between when school ended and marching practice started some of the guys would play football. Normally I went home before practice but not this day, for some reason I can no longer remember I stayed and wound up playing.
Aaron and I were paired up against each other all game. When he was the wide receiver I was the cornerback and vice versa. I started talking shit early and because he was so nervous around women I figured he wouldn't say anything back but he surprised me with his ability to talk shit and make me laugh. While I talked a good game he was faster than me and enjoyed giving as good as he got. I was smitten even though I knew he had a girlfriend, one that went to another school and someone who many of us believed did not exist. I soon embarked on a campaign to come onto him as hard as I could, I was not about to give him the option of missing my signals. Some girls batted their eyelashes and hoped but that was never my style. One day he was cutting through a side hallway in the band complex and I was standing by the doorway. He was laughing about something, his smile lighting up his face, a light sheen of sweat on his body. I felt a flush, I wanted him so badly at that moment. In a move that would make me blush today I lifted up my leg as high as I could and propped it on the doorframe, turning my body towards him. His face was shocked but he kept walking forward until he was standing no more than six inches from my open body. When he looked at me I grinned and gave him my best come fuck me face. He missed it and made some joke and I joked back, eventually letting him pass but he did get the message in the end.
Still lost in high school memory land I decide to take a bath since I've got two hours until I need to leave to meet them at the restaurant. Lowering myself into the warm water I feel as it envelopes me and a feeling of peace descends on me. Now I remember the thing that led to us actually dating. We were talking about ditching class; me, him and another boy named Jimmy. I really didn't want Jimmy at my house, drinking my dad's liquor but I didn't think Aaron would have come if it was just the two of us. I could tell he wanted to get with me but was holding himself back. He drove us back to my empty house and Jimmy and I were soon chugging vodka mixed with berry juice. Aaron had one but insisted that he stay sober so he could drive us back to school. With some liquid courage I moved in on him. Drunkenly I threw myself at him and he surprised both of us by putting up zero resistance. Our teenage bodies crashed into each other and hormones were soon sending us into overdrive. We stumbled into my parents bedroom and he slammed the door shut, leaving Jimmy to his own devices. We would come to regret that decision as our make out session was broken by the sound of Jimmy vomiting on the white carpet upstairs. Instead of making out with this boy I had to drunkenly clean up vomit. Luckily Aaron was there to calm me down and talk me through it.
Looking over at my phone I realize that I've got to get a move on if I want to get there on time. I get dried off and do my makeup, a minimal job. Looking at myself in the mirror I like what I see: I've lost all of the baby weight through sheer hard work and am still curvy in all the right places. My breasts, falling in the in between zone of B cup and C cup, are still perky and as I spin I see that my best asset still looks great: my ass. I've always been able to draw men in with both that and my sexually frank nature. When I touch up my hair, fairly straight without any help, and throw on some perfume I tear out of the house.
Driving from our house, something I don't think I'll be able to hang onto going forward as David sounds like he's going to play hardball with alimony and child support. Shaking my head I endeavor to not think of him any more tonight, I'm here to have a good time. For sure I like Ken and am excited to meet Amandine. Even if I only stay for a beer or two it'll be a good night and I'll not let David reach out from beyond the grave, of our dead relationship, and mess this up. The streets start to become more familiar to me as I move from the town where I live and back to the town where I went to high school. I go the long way, passing by the old school. The football field stands empty being late spring but memories come flooding back into my mind. I spent four summers and falls sweating it out with everybody on that field as we worked on that years show.
I curve along the bayou and remember the car crash we got in not long before we broke up. I was driving Aaron home, he had broken his leg and couldn't drive anymore, and some old woman pulled out from her driveway and pushed us into a wrought iron fence. Coming up to the main road I hang a left and head towards Greek Town. After parking I walk up the docks, breathing in that salty air, that comprise the heart of Greek town and to the front of the restaurant that is our meeting place. I see that there is a huge table set up inside with people laughing and having a good time. Taking in a deep breath I open the door and head inside. I see the table and know that this is where I'm heading. All of a sudden I'm nervous, scared, for reasons I cannot put my finger on. Walking up to the table I see Amandine and am stuck by how beautiful and radiant she looks. Her dark brown hair has been lightened up with caramel highlights and her skin looks soft, a golden tan covering her body. She's wearing a little bit of makeup and has on black lipstick. Next to her on the left is her best friend from high school. Constantine, and some woman that I don't recognize. Amandine is laughing with her and the three of them look really close. The back end of the table is filled with Cora and Kendra and their spouses. Kendra, a tall red haired woman, is next to a very butch looking woman who I assume is a wife or girlfriend. She always did strike me as a lesbian in high school. I also see Danny and Ryan, two older guys who I don't remember all that well. Directly across from Amandine is her other old friend, Nico, but he doesn't look all that happy about being here. Next to him is Ken. I stand there, wondering how to make my way over to the table. Ken reaches across the table and says something to Amandine.
"Jo Jo?" Her voice is almost the same as I remember, just a shade higher. She now has the sound of a woman like Kathleen Turner. God, I haven't been called Jo Jo in ages. The entire table stops talking and looks at me, Nico and Constantine in particular don't look all that happy to see me.
"Hey," my voice abandons me and I stand there feeling stupid.
She gets up from the table and I can see that she looks practically like she did in my fantasy. She's lost weight and what she hasn't lost has settled into her hips and backside. Amandine has a slight, bemused smile on her face as she gets up and walks over to me. She's got on a black sleeveless concert tee shirt on and short black shorts. The sleeveless shirt has huge cut outs for the arms and reveal a hot pink bra band. I can tell that she no longer has the arm definition that she had in high school. In its place is a feminine sway as she walks and a glow to her skin. It feels like I'm blushing and there's a strange feeling in my stomach. Never in my life have I found myself attracted to a woman and yet here I am, standing here like Tom Hardy is sauntering up to me and am almost weak in the knees. When she reaches me her arms wrap around me and pull me in for a hug. Slowly my own arms wrap around her back as I'm overwhelmed by the scent of her. I can smell a flowery scent in her hair and vanilla on her skin.
"You look... amazing," I re-find my voice after we break from our hug.
"As do you," her voice sounds like she's being genuine.
I end up sitting down next to her on the other side of the table and I order a beer when the waiter shows up. The rest of the table settles into conversation as just about everyone else is ignoring me. I don't care. Ken and I start talking and every once in a while Amandine will jump in. While she and I are chatting about how I'm doing we both notice that Nico is glowering at us. My gut instinct is to tell him to fuck off, people tell me I have no filter and lack decorum, but I hold back as I can sense that the animosity is directed towards Amandine. Durning our conversation she reaches out and lightly touches my forearm. My eyes shoot towards it and I get that funny feeling in my stomach again. I can tell that she sees me looking at her touch but she doesn't move her arm and when I look at her face it has a slight, almost coy, smile on it. She looks so much happier than the last time we were around each other. Back then she looked like she was covering up a deep and unwavering depression, her shoulders looked heavy with sadness. Now she looks happy and truly at ease. I never remember her being all that at ease, even when we were happy and in love. Nico lets out a nasty sounding snort.
"What's your deal, dude?" It's Constantine's wife, whose name is Sophie I've learned.
"What?" He tries to act like he doesn't know what she's talking about but Amandine sure does.
"Look," Amandine sounds like she was hoping that this conversation didn't have to happen but knew deep down that it would. "I get that you're still trying to process my transition but you've had a year and we don't even live in the same state anymore. It is time you either got over it or walked away."
"I've told you, I was there for you when you said you were gay even though it surprised me, bro. Then you said no, I'm a woman and just expected me to accept it, just like that. We were best buddies, best bros, for years."
"Me being a woman doesn't change that," Amandine tries to remind him.
"Yes, yes it does. Now you want me to just change the way I view you. And now you're flirting with your ex in front of us. It is like, make up your mind, dude. One day, out of the blue, you're into gay men and then the next you're a straight woman and now you're what, a dyke?" When he says this Kendra and her wife both look like they want to jump over the table and beat him senseless. I don't blame them, I kinda want to beat him senseless. He was always kind of a snotty jerk and age hasn't improved him.
"Nico," Amandine drops her head and takes a few deep breaths. When she looks back up to him I can see how much everything he just said hurt her and that she's trying to hold back tears. "It's not about you, it has nothing to fucking do with you. You can't be friends with a bi woman? Then that is your fucking problem. If your first thought about someone telling you that they're trans is to think about yourself then that makes you a narcissist and a shitty friend. And I'm not a dude, I'm not your fucking bro so stop calling me that. Everyone else is here to have a good time, except you it seems, so you can take your fucking leave. Seriously, piss off!"